boyfriends drudgery and piss

[billy]

"you can leave any time you know that"

i know

but i am lazy as Pinocchio is 'but needed'
slouching by the busy road

i'd rather rot in this prison of air

my laughter and rage the wardens

than risk the traffic of life
boyfriends drudgery and piss

getting checked for AIDs each year
like it's a fucking birthday (i wonder if the doctors give out lollipops) for me the part in brackets lessen the impact of the line. i think this line is extremely powerful and poignant

watching my family
swell like a grape with new life

an army of nieces and nephews
to hate me like all children do

death is no comfort

but if anyone dares to enrgave on my tomb
"HE DIED THE WAY HE LIVED"
i'll haunt them into suicide

i like the layout of the piece jack. and the way it cuts out the need for quote marks. the white space in this, work pretty well for me.
the title could be a little more obscure but other than that and the point about the stuff in the ( )'s i really enjoyed the read.