(09-04-2011, 10:38 AM)Heslopian Wrote: "the worst of anyonethe last line ties in perfectly with the title. some brilliant images
can be, finally,
an accident of hope." - Anne Sexton
throughout, you use gramma, periods, capped I's comma's etc yet no caps. it's not taboo of course but for me it's better as yay or nay except for a bare minimum.
the simple beauty of the soul, would it read better as 'the simple beauty of souls' of course you'd have to change 'it' to 'them' on the next line.
the idea of it I mean,
flickering among the wine i think this is a fantastic image/line when used in conjunction with souls
as though two lights
are present there, one outside
the green bottles, one trapped
above the liqour dregs, [liquor]
tempts me like a nude woman. it feels like a very long sentence, a period mid verse, after wine maybe. if that were the case 'as though' wouldn't be needed, you could then put 'they at the beginning of L8...just a suggestion to think about
I would believe in dark clearings,
empty deserts, blind seasons,
repeating themselves
like a washing machine, for me, this line isn't needed, it feels out of sync with what precedes it
a bicycle wheel on the road to stasis, solid image i like it a lot
but hope is just as rational
as anger and despair,
the bed more comfy than the floor. good closing
i won't mention the intro because you know how i feel in general..oops i did
somehow (for me) the poem feels a like she owns a bit of it and as the reader i know it's all jacks. i don't want to really see what influenced the poem in this instance, i only want to enjoy that the writer was influenced and how, really good read jack, thanks.