Burning

[ckeo]

Hi, ck.

'burning needles' is a first class, concrete image. Perhaps you could develop that more, relying less on abstractions such as 'lost desire' and 'lost dreams'. The sun is very typically described as 'blazing'. It's not a bad description, but it has become mundane. Try using descriptions that capture the reader and say things in an unusual, poetic manner.

Thanks for the morsel

Thank you for the feedback, yes I wrote that a long long time ago and have not worked on it. I have been developing some ideas for it and will work on it and the others soon.