08-18-2011, 11:29 AM
firstly, i think this should be in serious crit. (it's that good) the novice forum is for poetry that needs a gentle helping hand. for me this is an accomplished original poem. that said we are here to help 
i enjoyed that i had to look up Arrian, it made the following line all the sweeter. lots of good imagery grasses prismed in the teachers glasses was for me an excellent image, which ties is perfectly with arrian. i can nothing of note which could improve or help improve this fine piece of poetry. a nit maybe but nothing of worth to the poet. thanks for the read, i do feel it's time you posted in the at the very least the mild crit forum
as an aside, i think this poem is extremely publishable. jmo
i remember mister chumely
mr cholmondely warner.
[youtube]5Ivsb79-h90[/youtube]
i enjoyed that i had to look up Arrian, it made the following line all the sweeter. lots of good imagery grasses prismed in the teachers glasses was for me an excellent image, which ties is perfectly with arrian. i can nothing of note which could improve or help improve this fine piece of poetry. a nit maybe but nothing of worth to the poet. thanks for the read, i do feel it's time you posted in the at the very least the mild crit forum
as an aside, i think this poem is extremely publishable. jmo
i remember mister chumely
mr cholmondely warner.
[youtube]5Ivsb79-h90[/youtube]