08-17-2011, 02:35 PM
i hate giving feedback on prose poetry
i saw the breeder statement of leannes and i think i the context of the poem it does have a negative feel for hetero couples. maybe i say that because i'm hetero hehe. either way i like the way it works.
the last two words of the piece feel (im not sure what word i'm looking for) but for me they don't work too well.
i think the o' passion is too obvious and i think maybe you meant it to be. what it did for me; was make me think of walt and his poem instead of making me think wholly of your poem and in that respect i think it subtracts from the poem (the o' passion in the first line at least, the last o' passion works really well.
lots and lots to like, to much to mention line by line.
My first love was an entertainer, a clown in light blue uniform - shirt and shorts beneath spotlights, the actor's tanning bed - who strode the stage of a sweaty clubhouse was my fave. for me it would make a good coming out poem but you're well past that
a nice piece of prose poetry, i really enjoyed the read.thanks.