08-16-2011, 11:48 AM
I really like this... the idea behind it is so charming 
. One of the sweetest and most refreshing love poems I've read.
AN made some good suggestions... you can help keep your meter consistent by reading the poem out loud; then you can "hear" which parts don't match because phrasing is just as important as the number of syllables (ideally it should flow as easily and consistently as if you were reading "Mary had a little lamb). But it's only minor spots... in terms of meter you've made a good crack at it. Also, just imo, I don't think you need "Words--" as your beginning line... your title is good enough to set up the idea and is a good support to the succeeding lines. But other than small things that can be improved, this is very much a success
. One of the sweetest and most refreshing love poems I've read.AN made some good suggestions... you can help keep your meter consistent by reading the poem out loud; then you can "hear" which parts don't match because phrasing is just as important as the number of syllables (ideally it should flow as easily and consistently as if you were reading "Mary had a little lamb
). But it's only minor spots... in terms of meter you've made a good crack at it. Also, just imo, I don't think you need "Words--" as your beginning line... your title is good enough to set up the idea and is a good support to the succeeding lines. But other than small things that can be improved, this is very much a success
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?