08-13-2011, 02:58 PM
Thank you for your kind, considered feedback Todd. The butler is indeed the doctor (or the midwife) in the second strophe's closing metaphor.
I like your idea about changing "the" to "this" in the first line. I'll make the edit once I've finished this.
Likewise with "you walk" instead of "walking" in the third and removing "there" at the end of the second strophe's fifth line.
Thanks again
P.S: Regarding the epigraphs, I wanted to balance the relentless nihilism of the passage from Aristotle with what I perceive as a tenderer view on death.
I like your idea about changing "the" to "this" in the first line. I'll make the edit once I've finished this.
Likewise with "you walk" instead of "walking" in the third and removing "there" at the end of the second strophe's fifth line.
Thanks again
P.S: Regarding the epigraphs, I wanted to balance the relentless nihilism of the passage from Aristotle with what I perceive as a tenderer view on death.
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe