Mr. Thomas

[billy]

There was an old theatrical,
a luvvie loved by all, the opening two has a nice lyrical feel to them
an actor who could not appal is this line and the one below needed, for me they pre empt the lines below.
regardless what he partook in.
His name was Mr. Thomas and feels redundant
in his dotage dared to tell
of his love for his own sex, is the 1st his needed
and even this failed to vex
his beloved public.
He took himself a young lover
who could have been his son's brother, is this line supposed to feel incestuous?
a performer
rising fast in the cultural sphere. (feels a little weak)
He thought this new affair a sham,
as did his close friends,
and so the old man took pleasure
in making up for lost folly,
hedonism long denied. i like this and the lead up, nicely narrated.
But to his weary heart he lied
when the young man showed the signs
of affection running deep,
a river in a dark meadow
reflecting light between its shores. for me this where there should be a line space , making two verses.
That one should throw away their youth,
the happy scores
of sex and life,
to consign their heart to strife,
the prison of unselfish care,
offended Mr. Thomas so. more good narrative from here and the lines that lead in
'But!' his prisoner implored, 'sex is fleeting, as is life,
and in the absence of a wife
why not take my soul to keep? this line feels icky hehe, it makes me remember my childhood prayers.
Mr. Thomas I love you,
not just as a foster dad now i see the son's brother line working, nice hook
or a human credit card, is human needed?
as the gossips would believe. '
Mr. Thomas pained himself
to make his prisoner see sense,
but still the young man stayed stubborn,
naive as a picket fence. i love this line
With heavy heart old Thomas took
his father's service pistol down,
resolved to free his prisoner
the only way he could see how. is see how needed
And so against the boy's temple
he poised the barrel,
fired once, and now to make it through the day
he counts the sparrows on their way
past the bars of his gray cell,
hoping the boy is not in hell.

i'll be honest jack. after the first few reads i didn't feel this was a too well crafted poem. i was totally wrong. the narrative is extremely well done. i loved the twist at the end where i thought the old man was going to off himself was'nt too keen on the sporadic rhyme
for me this poem has so much potential to be really good with a small edit. jmo
as always, thanks for the read.