08-05-2011, 09:22 AM
I agree the poem has changed and improved drastically... deep, unsettling and potent.
(08-05-2011, 08:20 AM)mroning tide Wrote: fear has spoken you could put a comma her, but in all honesty I'm lukewarm about "fear has spoken", the phrasing robs it of urgency lacing eyes and ears,
coursing quicksilver through sinew mapped flesh
all that is seen is already gone
all that is heard is already past love these two lines
dark affirmations bait the treason
of a feint is this "feint" or "faint"? heart, that holds you quarry, bound
rest now, stand down your watch, your lifetime of vigilance
it was only your fear that was the hawker Is the hunter "fear" the same "fear" that also instructs the rabbit at the beginning? Maybe use a different term for one of the instances
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?