Mr. Thomas

[addy]

A great twisted love tale you have here. Needs a bit of an edit imo but has great drama which I liked.

There was an old theatrical,
a luvvie loved by all,
an actor who could not appal
regardless what he partook in. Seems vague? Are you trying to describe him as an actor or a person?
His name was Mr. Thomas and
in his dotage dared to tell
of his love for his own sex,
and even this failed to vex
his beloved public. haha
He took himself a young lover
who could have been his son's brother,
a performer
rising fast in the cultural sphere. "cultural sphere" seems a little weak for me... maybe because imo it doesn't mesh too well as an image with the action of rising
He thought this new affair a sham,
as did his close friends,
and so the old man took pleasure
in making up for lost folly,
hedonism long denied.
But to his weary heart he lied
when the young man showed the signs
of affection running deep,
a river in a dark meadow
reflecting light between its shores.
That one should throw away their youth,
the happy scores
of sex and life,
to consign their heart to strife,
the prison of unselfish care,
offended Mr. Thomas so. I find this part fascinating... that Mr. Thomas would find lavish and unwavering love to be so distressing (from his fans, from his lover), it sets up the twistedness nicely
'But!' his prisoner implored, 'sex is fleeting, as is life,
and in the absence of a wife
why not take my soul to keep?
Mr. Thomas I love you,
not just as a foster dad
or a human credit card,
as the gossips would believe. '
Mr. Thomas pained himself
to make his prisoner see sense,
but still the young man stayed stubborn,
naive as a picket fence. LOL great line
With heavy heart old Thomas took
his father's service pistol down, this gave me pause (not in a bad way), but was it meant to make the reader do that? I wondered, him being an old man, why it would be his father's pistol and not his own, about the man his father was, if he was haunted, etc. If the tangent is intentional then fair enough
resolved to free his prisoner
the only way he could see how.
And so against the boy's temple
he poised the barrel,
fired once, I think "poised the barrel, fired once" could be in one line... no point dragging out a gunshot and now to make it through the day
he counts the sparrows on their way
past the bars of his gray cell, nice image
hoping the boy is not in hell. Imo this is a little abrupt... i was hoping for a bit more rumination or insight? Or maybe an ending that ties it with theater like a curtain call (though I understand if you'd find that cheesy )