Hi Billy,
Love the title.
The first line is good but I don't think it truly is cliched steel unless you put cold before cliched. That said, not sure how necessary that is my true preference would be that you cut cold and just keep the two H modifiers on L2. I do like hair-splitting sharp. I like the repetition of bristles and the alliteration.
In L4 and this could just be me, the rapid f alliteration gives a light tone and while we know that this isn't a serious death, it may hurt your tone even though the words themselves are fine. You'll have to say whether that's the case.
Now, here's my main comment. I think you have a poem inside a poem. Everything from Mister cut-throat to the end is brilliant. I absolutely love the last two lines. I would be tempted to rework that as the full poem. It's tight, powerful writing that starts of running from the title with no buildup.
Just my opinion of course.
Best,
Todd
Love the title.
The first line is good but I don't think it truly is cliched steel unless you put cold before cliched. That said, not sure how necessary that is my true preference would be that you cut cold and just keep the two H modifiers on L2. I do like hair-splitting sharp. I like the repetition of bristles and the alliteration.
In L4 and this could just be me, the rapid f alliteration gives a light tone and while we know that this isn't a serious death, it may hurt your tone even though the words themselves are fine. You'll have to say whether that's the case.
Now, here's my main comment. I think you have a poem inside a poem. Everything from Mister cut-throat to the end is brilliant. I absolutely love the last two lines. I would be tempted to rework that as the full poem. It's tight, powerful writing that starts of running from the title with no buildup.
Just my opinion of course.
Best,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson