07-28-2011, 05:22 AM
The gut is a place for worms and last night's dinner turning into excrement -- which, coincidentally, is just what a lot of poetry ends up as 
I think your second stanza would be strengthened by removing the first person, eg:
What matters is metaphor (or It's metaphors that matter)
the beauty of images
These are the only lines when the first person makes a direct appearance, and it detracts from the universality of your statements.
In your penultimate line, would you consider backing up the sounds from the preceding lines with:
the emptiness, the silent rot
The second stanza gives the poem a bit of an Ozymandias feel -- I like it a lot.
I think your second stanza would be strengthened by removing the first person, eg:
What matters is metaphor (or It's metaphors that matter)
the beauty of images
These are the only lines when the first person makes a direct appearance, and it detracts from the universality of your statements.
In your penultimate line, would you consider backing up the sounds from the preceding lines with:
the emptiness, the silent rot
The second stanza gives the poem a bit of an Ozymandias feel -- I like it a lot.
It could be worse