Derailed

[billy]

Please step away from the door
this train is about to depart
if you have no destination in mind
there is no end to this line

the world outside my window
blurred with a thickening frost
standing waves of moving places
imposed and distorted my thought i like this verse. as though it's the landscape that's moving

Please move your bags aside
the doors cannot close
don't contemplate those needful things
and surrender to all your woes again, i like this one as well

I saw distant conviction
A dilapidated structure
chemically stained with human regret
resonating as it ruptured

Please remain seated
I think the conductor is lost
he was reaching for a map
and pressed the emergency stop

born and bred a thundering steed
I was forged with fire
I ride alone down these tracks
leaving behind what you desire.

i also enjoyed the last two verse. for me you're getting there,

i think an end rhyme scheme would help.
the main thing that would help with this one is meter. we'll see if we can get some meter exercises going in the pig's arse (join it through your user cp )

thanks for the read.