07-27-2011, 11:54 AM
Interesting how you made it so the moving train doubles as both a metaphor and a weary POV spectator. I'm even interested in the conductor... is he supposed to be just some guy/leader of men/god (the last option is particularly intriguing)? If this is meant to be a proper metered poem, it's still clunky and uneven at spots... anyway it's your choice to edit the meter, or just make it free verse (imo I hope the former). Thanks for sharing 
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?