Honed (2nd Revision))

[ckeo]

All I really get from this is a sense of feudal history, possibly being looked on with nostalgic wishing, but it is quite obscure. I quite like "bronze swaggers", but "graceful with smite" simply doesn't work at all for me as smite just can't be anything but a verb in my opinion -- and I can't imagine it as a graceful thing.

In the final stanza, do you mean "beaconed" and "serenity"? I do like "pastels with quills", which ties in well with my nostalgia reading.

Yes, beaconed and serenity lol... told you guys i was a horrible speller
I will correct it. maybe add in something I chopped out.


**oops... no I meant beckoned

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for me the poem is too far away from comprehension.
it needs an edit which lets the reader knows what's going on.
the title actually works well with the first line but then the
poem seems to wander and i get lost.
if i can give any advice to someone learning poetry, it would be;
keep it simple, keep it clear, and keep it concise. jmo

sorry i couldn't be more constructive with the poem.
thanks for the read.

Its ok Billy... I did mask alot of things.
The title is referencing the last line....
;Bronze was the colour of her skin