07-25-2011, 11:27 AM
All I really get from this is a sense of feudal history, possibly being looked on with nostalgic wishing, but it is quite obscure. I quite like "bronze swaggers", but "graceful with smite" simply doesn't work at all for me as smite just can't be anything but a verb in my opinion -- and I can't imagine it as a graceful thing.
In the final stanza, do you mean "beaconed" and "serenity"? I do like "pastels with quills", which ties in well with my nostalgia reading.
In the final stanza, do you mean "beaconed" and "serenity"? I do like "pastels with quills", which ties in well with my nostalgia reading.
It could be worse