07-25-2011, 11:18 AM
for me the poem is too far away from comprehension.
it needs an edit which lets the reader knows what's going on.
the title actually works well with the first line but then the
poem seems to wander and i get lost.
if i can give any advice to someone learning poetry, it would be;
keep it simple, keep it clear, and keep it concise. jmo
sorry i couldn't be more constructive with the poem.
thanks for the read.
it needs an edit which lets the reader knows what's going on.
the title actually works well with the first line but then the
poem seems to wander and i get lost.
if i can give any advice to someone learning poetry, it would be;
keep it simple, keep it clear, and keep it concise. jmo
sorry i couldn't be more constructive with the poem.
thanks for the read.