A short story of imagination

[billy]

This is my first *real* attempt at any visual free-form. If there are any spelling errors, I sort of wrote it a bit of a strange, hazy state.
I digress....Anything about this you would scratch out or repair, please, please, let me know!
Thank you, and God for this awesome forum!
if you have any friends who write like you do, please invite them

over all. i love the poem.
love the content first off my comments in the body of poem.
weed and the smoking of it is a poor excuse for spelling mistakes


My Lawn in Winter



“Go out to shovel the driveway! is the 1st line needed?

A wave of rolling snow,
Frozen in an arched position show dont tell (frozen, arched) in an not needed
Like a white jaguar in mid-pounce . no need for like
Glancing at it, I set a bargain, and no need for and no commar
With a little bit of mental urging
Coax it out of a petrified lurch its instead of a
And send it slamming upon
The shore of shoveled sidewalk, period not comma
Then, sauntering up, up, up into the street, is this line needed?
The film of waster nestles next to the opposing curb, waster or water?
Pooling under my neighbors red catalac cadilac
Parked beneath a streetlight.

For a moment, it stays there
Almost in momentary slumber
Or like a photograph capturing motion. or like not needed.
Then, as if forgetting something,
Moseyed back (with the car)
And, swallowing itself this stanza needs to be more
Up the amorphous lawn and understandable the transition feel off
Into the azalea twigs,
Ploughs lacidasically into my home lackadaisically
In a tempest of wood and water.

The sea returns some things, though
Grandma happens to be ejected
Still fast asleep in her rocking chair
Along with our yellow dog, yowling
As he is spat out like a lugi onto the street.
Some expensive Tupper wear, too
Mostly broken into needles
On the adjacent driveway nothing much to change here

“What a scene!” no need for speech marks
The neighbors exclaim.
Hands in pockets,
Gathered like pesants around flashing peasants
Police lights and my shaking grandmother
As for The family,? Well no question mark
They probably won’t forgive me.
But come to think of it….
The snowflakes do look like quarters…

last two stanza need little doing.
love granny and the dog

the second stanza needs a little work.
i struggled to see the car moving at first
you have some long sentences which could be made shorter.

all in all a great read larry. all it needs is a little tightening up.
some really good images. the style of your poetry directs it to being a tad telly but that works. it loses very little because of the fact. the reason is you temper the tell with some decent images.

well done and thanks for the read/ jmo.