02-12-2010, 03:37 PM
Charming write, and the last Stanza is sweet. However, you should use a bit more variety in your wordage.
ALSO
Just a recommendation...
When using verse, try incorporating some literary devices, such as:
Alliteration: One of my personal favorites. It involves the repetition of the beginning sound of a word, such as: "I skip stones while my seven-year old sister sleeps"
Onomatopoeia: Simple; the word sounds like what it is! Pop, Wham, Whizz, etc, etc.
Consonance and Assonance are similar to alliteration, but involve interior sounds instead.
There are many more, and they are bound to improve your poem!
ALSO
Just a recommendation...
When using verse, try incorporating some literary devices, such as:
Alliteration: One of my personal favorites. It involves the repetition of the beginning sound of a word, such as: "I skip stones while my seven-year old sister sleeps"
Onomatopoeia: Simple; the word sounds like what it is! Pop, Wham, Whizz, etc, etc.
Consonance and Assonance are similar to alliteration, but involve interior sounds instead.
There are many more, and they are bound to improve your poem!