07-14-2011, 10:42 AM
This is gorgeous jack, a piece that falls mostly under prose (your use of language is indeed beautiful but nevertheless in many parts for me its straight-up narrative). That does not diminish its literary value. I love your choice of a deceptively serene opening that soon goes downhill. I winced reading some of it, and that's a good thing.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?