07-11-2011, 09:45 AM
This a sweet, heartbreaking piece... it speaks so much about disillusion (reminds me of the verses of the song "Both Sides Now", actually). One thing I might adjust is that I'd give a tiny hint of the disillusioning event that happened, just a hint... I know you're saving it for the ending, but it distracted me just a little from my enjoyment of the second half which is a considerable length because the thought "what's wrong? what's wrong??" kept bugging me 
. But that is a small nitpick though
. But that is a small nitpick though
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?