07-04-2011, 07:42 PM
At first I was jarred by how the word "sweetly" has its own line, but having read the poem again the typographical effect is good; it creates a sense of trickling down like wine in the throat.
The first line of the second stanza tripped me up a bit. How about instead of the comma you put "are a", confirming the sentence is all one thought as opposed to conjunctions crammed togethor.
The final stanza is perfect. Violent, passionate, tender and even a tad spiritual. Thanks for the read Aish.
The first line of the second stanza tripped me up a bit. How about instead of the comma you put "are a", confirming the sentence is all one thought as opposed to conjunctions crammed togethor.
The final stanza is perfect. Violent, passionate, tender and even a tad spiritual. Thanks for the read Aish.
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe