07-04-2011, 06:38 PM
Quick evisceration while I have the chance 
S1 L2, is it too cheesy to break after "down" and put "sweetly" on its own line? I absolutely love the last two lines of that stanza.
S2 L3, you could remove "and are" without any damage to the meaning.
S3 L1, you don't really need "the" -- but the last three lines are beautiful.
I am a weak eviscerator this evening, I fear -- but this doesn't need much.
S1 L2, is it too cheesy to break after "down" and put "sweetly" on its own line? I absolutely love the last two lines of that stanza.
S2 L3, you could remove "and are" without any damage to the meaning.
S3 L1, you don't really need "the" -- but the last three lines are beautiful.
I am a weak eviscerator this evening, I fear -- but this doesn't need much.
It could be worse