Magnetic

[billy]

Chanteuse,
teasing my skin
lounging with breasts pressed into mine...
an early Sunday morning kiss
tender, slow
we are becoming one
magnetic mouths,
wanting.

*Feedback appreciated.

L5, 6, feel cliché
i had to look up chanteuse and found it was a singer of sorts. on that premise i'm taking chanteuse as a woman's name.

for me the poem works better with a couple of lines removed. the two i think cliche and 'an early sunday morning kiss'.
which would leave it as;

Chanteuse,
teasing my skin
lounging with breasts pressed into mine...
magnetic mouths,
wanting.

which i found to be erotic yet not over the top. jmo

thanks for the read.