06-26-2011, 08:07 AM
I actually disagree with the initial premise that one-syllable words are less ambiguous than two-syllable or more (words like mien, staid, writhe, stanch -- quite poetic, quite rare in normal conversation, but all one syllable), and as a meter freak I feel compelled to point out that the syllables in an individual word mean nothing, it's the total syllables in the line that count for feet -- however, this is a good exercise in discipline, forcing you to think carefully about word choice.
Jack, your poem is quite lyrical and I really like your opening simile. You capture a moment well, incorporating lust, voyeurism, greed and humiliation. Putting the last line out there on its own is an excellent use of your line breaks.
Jack, your poem is quite lyrical and I really like your opening simile. You capture a moment well, incorporating lust, voyeurism, greed and humiliation. Putting the last line out there on its own is an excellent use of your line breaks.
It could be worse