The Haunted House

[critical mass]

The house is proud but old this day and you
still here, the porch at rest beneath your toes,
approach the lawn in tennis shoes while blue
sky holds the house's gaze; the structure knows

we're leaving now, and sighs with waning grace
as floorboards settle in to rot, the dust
on sideboards breeding then, the antique face
of one dead clock damning this household rust.

We walked each hall, locking every single door .......I think lock will cut down the syllables here and still work, it reads off beat to me. Also walk instead of walked, past tense or present tense?
where once daylight was hid behind, the blank
windows regarding it as simple law;
we must obey. How to explain the cold dank .....Too many syllables here also, at least to my ear, maybe remove cold.

smell which sprung from every cranny then, while .....springs and remove while, syllables again.
we crossed the dark front hall, echoing tile.

Very good piece.
Oh did I say that this is very good.


David