06-08-2011, 11:17 AM
I see you went with Jack's verses suggestions with the edit, plus taking some stuff out. It did make it reader-friendly, and as for flow I thought it was already excellent from the original so no problems there.
It was a joy to re-read this. You took what should be dysfunctional thoughts and emotions, and you turned it into something beautiful and empowering and electrifying. In this poem, you were to the reader like a psychedelic, feminine version of Prometheus. A great trip.
It was a joy to re-read this. You took what should be dysfunctional thoughts and emotions, and you turned it into something beautiful and empowering and electrifying. In this poem, you were to the reader like a psychedelic, feminine version of Prometheus. A great trip.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?