05-31-2011, 02:43 AM
Bilbo - I see what you mean. I'm thinking of deleting the last two lines of the first verse anyway, as I don't think they add anything. What do you think? Some mention of depression I feel is necessary to convey what I was feeling at the time, and why I felt this sudden burst of empathy, but I'll see if I can make that first line a tad more elegant.
Addy - Thanks
I'm glad you got that gentleness I was going for.
Ficosdarkness - Thank you for reading, I'm delighted you enjoyed it so much
Addy - Thanks
I'm glad you got that gentleness I was going for.Ficosdarkness - Thank you for reading, I'm delighted you enjoyed it so much
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe