A Song of Empathy

[billy]

"she's so pretty in her casts damaged so prefectly she's so pretty in her casts the prettiest thing i've ever seen" - Pig Destroyer, Pretty in Casts

Through the mist of depression a profound empathy would comma before profound work?
takes shape, sunlight in a graveyard,
stretching shadows on the grass.
I look at the dates regarding the day, this new burst of joy, is 'this new burst of joy,'
and their silence takes on fresh meaning.

I love whoever's reading this and everyone who's not.
I would live and die with you all, man or woman,
cruel or good, I'd find us a house with a garden out back
and grow you every shade of rose, lilacs for the porch would a period be better than the comma or the 'some' before lilacs?
and daisies in a vase by the door. We'd drink your favourite beverage
until the sun goes down. I'd be your dream catcher.

Every tidal wave of pain is visible in this moment,
as I open a porthole and see our whole race,
thrashing, screaming, staying afloat.
I cannot save a single one, and they cannot save me,
but still I love them, the useless, the great,
as we all drown together in this living sea.

would on a ship of profound empathy tie up with the wave and sea metaphor in the last verse.

seriously jack, i think this is a great great write, i know i pointed a couple of things out (not to sure about the grammar nits i know) but those aside i found this piece full of love and resignation to the slaves we carry in our heads,

i like every line of the 2nd and 3rd verse too much to pick a fave,

the first i like though slightly not as much hehe.

for me this is one of those poems that can be put in print without fear of wondering if it'll be accepted.

for me it's an extremely well written piece of poetry, thanks for the read.