Rain

[billy]

I used to wonder why it always rains
in blockbuster films would box-office hits work better?
as the monster obliterates Manhattan
and the soldiers tremble like kids playing War. simply love this verse,

It's forever night in the business district
as the shadow of a scale appears on a cubicle wall,
the heroes wearing slickers as stop signs and cars should there be a commar before as?
glisten through the relentless downpour. great two lines.

Then I grew up and realised that would 'that' work better on the next line?
it was to obscure the special effects;
our vision is short in falling monsoons. great line
We can't see far enough to make out the midget
operating the controls in Godzilla's head.

The urban landscapes of darkness and damp
these cut-price visionaries create
hold an accidental charm.
Imagine. You and I standing on Main Street
as the ugly monuments to greed,
the dilapidated apartments and crumbling bars
become little more than blurry neon.
I take your hand as the camera pans out
revealing what looks like an undeveloped photograph,
and you and I in the centre, the sole definites. the repetition works well here

i never really thought about it but the insight you show here really works lol.
and i could feel the godzilla film through out. i liked the way we were walked through the process, and out of it back into reality in the last three lines.
can't see anything apart from the couple of picky nits i pointed out.

nice poem that left me feeling i was in on the making.

thanks for the read.