05-14-2011, 02:26 PM
"Lovingly scalpeled." "Succinctly corroded." I love how you take adjectives and verbs which really shouldn't work together and put them in a context where, against all odds, they do. This is perhaps my favourite poem by you, because it's so original, dense yet concise, conveying through that stunning last verse an observation of love I can't remember reading before, at least not when told in that way. I really can't fault anything here. Maybe put "lovingly" and "succinctly" at the beginning of their succeeding lines.
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe