04-25-2011, 11:53 AM
as you know i'm not into intros' too much and not knowing who sybil was or gaius i decided to pretend i did and carry on with the rest of the poem.
what a delight, though the 1st verse felt a little cryptic as to what 'my fill' was.
the first two words of the 2nd verse made me think of revolutions (number of spins) and gave me a boost.
i presumed the roundabout is a metaphor for life, if so then yes, i can see how the edges of it become a blur
great image in opinion. and then the brother brings us down to earth who whines like the rest of us.
i like the last two lines (is 'of sorts' needed)
my other nit is a couple of 'the's in the 1st verse that feel two the's too much)
good read jack.
what a delight, though the 1st verse felt a little cryptic as to what 'my fill' was.
the first two words of the 2nd verse made me think of revolutions (number of spins) and gave me a boost.
i presumed the roundabout is a metaphor for life, if so then yes, i can see how the edges of it become a blur
great image in opinion. and then the brother brings us down to earth who whines like the rest of us.
i like the last two lines (is 'of sorts' needed)
my other nit is a couple of 'the's in the 1st verse that feel two the's too much)
good read jack.