"Mother and Father" by thequietman

"Mother and Father" by thequietman

addy Offline

The Dog's Bollocks.

Posts: 805
Threads: 374
Joined: Dec 2009

02-01-2010, 03:05 PM

Thanks for the poem. As Billy said, it could do with some edits to improve the cadence and internal rhyme.

Also, I noticed you used the adjective "beauty" in both verse 2 and verse 3. Being so close together, it would be good to replace one of them with a synonym so "Beauty isn't repetitive. Just a minor suggestion. Smile

Again, thanks for the lovely read

PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?

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Messages In This Thread

"Mother and Father" by thequietman - by DUBLIN5 - 02-01-2010, 05:16 AM

RE: "Mother and Father" by thequietman - by billy - 02-01-2010, 06:54 AM

RE: "Mother and Father" by thequietman - by DUBLIN5 - 02-01-2010, 07:13 AM

RE: "Mother and Father" by thequietman - by billy - 02-01-2010, 07:32 AM

RE: "Mother and Father" by thequietman - by Benny2guns - 02-01-2010, 11:37 AM

RE: "Mother and Father" by thequietman - by addy - 02-01-2010, 03:05 PM

RE: "Mother and Father" by thequietman - by Larry - 02-12-2010, 03:37 PM

RE: "Mother and Father" by thequietman - by altezon - 03-05-2010, 07:49 AM

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