03-13-2011, 06:47 AM
hi Fd great to see you back 
first off; if you do an edit try and put the new edit above the original poem in a new thread.
i had to hunt the old one down then open 2 screens
2nd ...wow, what a huge big difference. the edit has much more depth, more imagery and more cohesiveness
you did a major edit and its much much better. i see you took some of the things that were remarked o and used them to good purpose.
not sure about the If, If at the end but the poem holds its own now. well done. you took a big step
first off; if you do an edit try and put the new edit above the original poem in a new thread.
i had to hunt the old one down then open 2 screens
2nd ...wow, what a huge big difference. the edit has much more depth, more imagery and more cohesiveness
you did a major edit and its much much better. i see you took some of the things that were remarked o and used them to good purpose.
not sure about the If, If at the end but the poem holds its own now. well done. you took a big step