at first i thought weak (the opening ) but as i read i saw the opening was integral to the poem.
the way it was ridden into some keener depth was a real treat.
the three verse below were excellent;
"you will not grow up to be gay
or vegan
or Christian or Muslim
or whatever the opposite
of what we are is"
"you will not demand attention
when i don't feel like giving it
you'll pleasure yourself
when i'm too tired"
"you'll buy me a fucking pony
you cunts
or an Xbox
a TV
pay my college bills too
and tell me how clever I am"
the last verse above made me smile. i mean really laugh. i guess it wasn't meant to, but i can feel the verbal this kind of person gives.
the 6th and last repeat also works well. i don't think i'd change anything about it.
thanks for the read.
the way it was ridden into some keener depth was a real treat.
the three verse below were excellent;
"you will not grow up to be gay
or vegan
or Christian or Muslim
or whatever the opposite
of what we are is"
"you will not demand attention
when i don't feel like giving it
you'll pleasure yourself
when i'm too tired"
"you'll buy me a fucking pony
you cunts
or an Xbox
a TV
pay my college bills too
and tell me how clever I am"
the last verse above made me smile. i mean really laugh. i guess it wasn't meant to, but i can feel the verbal this kind of person gives.
the 6th and last repeat also works well. i don't think i'd change anything about it.
thanks for the read.