01-25-2011, 12:37 AM
Very good advice, to do it as if you're talking to a friend--it is a very good exercise for getting out of writer's block too. As far as the rhymes go--and I do like rhymes a lot, I think they take care of themselves once the idea is set down. Part of the problem, I think, is when too many ideas come at you at once and you want to throw them all into the pot which, of course, creates confusion--nothing wrong with confusion if that is what youre writing about.
I love this verse: And I think is the basis of the entire poem. A very pained woman searching for something good,perhaps the only thing out there that is pure. I would change streets to street and perhaps keep it as a b c c rhyme for three verses and then followed bytwo lines at the end with a dd rhyme, perhaps three verses would be plenty to express this idea. Obviously, I could be way off with what I'm saying here, but I am inspried by this verse and the idea in invoked in me.
They call me a cynic,
they have no idea.
I cross over the darkest street
praying for innocence to meet.
I walk every night
and look into their faces--something like this, i think.
(it seems that everything she knows is dark, contaminated--grime?
I see the poem as a quest, who knows, perhaps it is a quest for God. This idea in itself is huge and there are so many ways of pursuing it, but I would begin with that wonderful verse.
Anyway, that is my suggestion on the initial idea; actually, I think you've written two poems in one. The other part about mentioning him might be better as a separate poem altogether.Loss, abandonment, perhaps, reunited with the one you love?
The part about writing and rhyme I wouldn't mention at all, unless you're doing it as a third poem. Of course, I could be all wet here in what I'm saying, perhaps I am. But I do see the makings of a great poem here--Jim
I love this verse: And I think is the basis of the entire poem. A very pained woman searching for something good,perhaps the only thing out there that is pure. I would change streets to street and perhaps keep it as a b c c rhyme for three verses and then followed bytwo lines at the end with a dd rhyme, perhaps three verses would be plenty to express this idea. Obviously, I could be way off with what I'm saying here, but I am inspried by this verse and the idea in invoked in me.
They call me a cynic,
they have no idea.
I cross over the darkest street
praying for innocence to meet.
I walk every night
and look into their faces--something like this, i think.
(it seems that everything she knows is dark, contaminated--grime?
I see the poem as a quest, who knows, perhaps it is a quest for God. This idea in itself is huge and there are so many ways of pursuing it, but I would begin with that wonderful verse.
Anyway, that is my suggestion on the initial idea; actually, I think you've written two poems in one. The other part about mentioning him might be better as a separate poem altogether.Loss, abandonment, perhaps, reunited with the one you love?
The part about writing and rhyme I wouldn't mention at all, unless you're doing it as a third poem. Of course, I could be all wet here in what I'm saying, perhaps I am. But I do see the makings of a great poem here--Jim