Dawn (Part Three)

[billy]

I recommend you read Coat and Iron first, in that order. This is part three of a ten part thing I'm writing.

“We are here”-
The voices whisper.
He asks each of them a Question;
Lets the scent
Of winter enter him,
Caresses his sheets and
Watches amber floating
In the low clouds.
Louder and in unison,
“I am here” says the five-
So he rises. is 'so' needed?

The sun is born into a cradle was 'amber' the moon? i thought it was the morning sun if so, for me it makes this line feel like a double take
Of snow-crowned pines,
It’s cold light awakening cold light feels a little cliché
The sleeping city. cliché
Suddenly, a sixth voice comes
Feminine, and soft,
From outside the window,
“ I, too, am here” it says
But he is not listening.

i'm intrigued to say the least. i thing you have a the chance to place at least one great image in each stanza. at present it all leads to dialogue
i have to say i really like the piece, and can't wait to see the series in total other than that nothing much to nit pick at. jmo

thanks for the continuing saga