12-13-2010, 03:41 AM
To be honest, actually, "emerald shards" seems a bit weak.
It sounds like I've heard it before; perhaps it's a tad cliche?
"happy family" also fits into this category, although the first strophe is very good.
The reiteration of "small" doesn't work for me in stanza two.
"Attending dad" seems a bit weak. Can't suggest anything, though :p
"Adoring mum" does as well.
Is "grassy slope" cliche?
And Hes seems to of pointed out the "of", so otherwise...
I loved the piece, do not get me wrong. These are just trifles.
It sounds like I've heard it before; perhaps it's a tad cliche?
"happy family" also fits into this category, although the first strophe is very good.
The reiteration of "small" doesn't work for me in stanza two.
"Attending dad" seems a bit weak. Can't suggest anything, though :p
"Adoring mum" does as well.
Is "grassy slope" cliche?
And Hes seems to of pointed out the "of", so otherwise...
I loved the piece, do not get me wrong. These are just trifles.