12-13-2010, 01:54 AM
This is my favourite poem by you since "Urbanised." The narrative is clear and controlled, with a distinct beginning and end, the themes are sad but not depressing - this strikes me as more serious than your recent pieces - and there's a richness of expression in the opening verse ("emerald shards," "cornucopia of grass") which sets the scene magnificently.
There's not much I can offer you in the way of critique, except that in the fourth line of the second stanza there should really be an "of" after "watch."
A dark and poignant reflection on childhood.
There's not much I can offer you in the way of critique, except that in the fourth line of the second stanza there should really be an "of" after "watch."
A dark and poignant reflection on childhood.
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe