11-01-2010, 11:16 AM
Hey Billy,
This is very cool. There were a lot of things I loved here.
Line 2 rocked. I love the image.
I liked your final lines in each stanza.
I liked the alliteration in L6.
And these lines were my favorites:
Only in smoke and starlight can I see,
abound from hearths and hearts and bricks of clay;
Some very non-forced rhyming.
Great read. Thank you,
Todd
This is very cool. There were a lot of things I loved here.
Line 2 rocked. I love the image.
I liked your final lines in each stanza.
I liked the alliteration in L6.
And these lines were my favorites:
Only in smoke and starlight can I see,
abound from hearths and hearts and bricks of clay;
Some very non-forced rhyming.
Great read. Thank you,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson