10-25-2010, 06:01 AM
Hey this is a cool idea for a poem, and I'm interested to see how you develop it. One minor point:
When you can direct the line more at the other person do it.
For example:
If I were a heart beat,
would you reach inside yourself and rip me out,
At the very least make it:
If I were your heart beat
And to echo Billy a bit you can go a little nuts with what the person would do. Think EKG, Digitalis...think of the steps that other person would do to rip you out of their life. Again it's a great idea for a poem and I think with some work you can make it exceptional.
Best,
Todd
When you can direct the line more at the other person do it.
For example:
If I were a heart beat,
would you reach inside yourself and rip me out,
At the very least make it:
If I were your heart beat
And to echo Billy a bit you can go a little nuts with what the person would do. Think EKG, Digitalis...think of the steps that other person would do to rip you out of their life. Again it's a great idea for a poem and I think with some work you can make it exceptional.
Best,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson