Release by William Marsland. (in the archaic style)

[billy]

nice feedback jack thanks.

Also, the lack of punctuation tripped me up a bit. I would have put full stops after the words "dawn" in the first stanza, and both "grace" and "place" in the third, and a comma after "hell" in the final couplet.

the lack of punctuation is a by-product of of the free verse i write. i should have used grammar in this piece because it's not free verse. i'll add it in the edit.

The syntax confused me at times. This line, for instance, just doesn't seem right: "such passion made you mine alone till grave/know you my love." Are you saying that said passion made her yours until the grave

yes hers (the grave i mean. she died.) and mine for i died a little as well.
i tried to give the fact away with the last line which
i kinda stole and bastardised from john donne's elegy "for whom the bells toll"
"The bell doth toll for him
that thinks it doth;"

Nonetheless, the second and third stanzas have a few great images; "carried upon a stream/woven by Morpheus," - the notion of a stream being weaved is awesome - "conceptuality/danced and dallied" - the best line here, I think - "an ardent nymph," "led my soul to sacred place" - both charming and jolly and sweet. And the final rhyme of "hell" and "bell" is simply orgasmic.

kind words like honest feedback are always welcome.

So, in conclusion, great here and there, and with a solid concept, but the archaic construction obscures the beauty.

i hope we get to see more of your serious feedback jack it's refreshing.