01-25-2010, 03:21 PM
Changed the poem up with some edits.
What do you think? Is it better or worse?
---------------------------------------------
That stuff’ll rot your insides, boy
and he thinks:
That’s some good voodoo
Licking peppermint fingers
With tongue painted
The pure blue of poison frogs
He knows, as
Crushed magic stirs drool
Like medicine men before him
Like wild men before him
That the secret
Is...
There are no secrets.
Only pleasure.
The cola hisses.
He swallows til
It hits the spot;
Blood oozing clean sap
So slow he’d never die
So sweet they glaze
His very bones
What do you think? Is it better or worse?
---------------------------------------------
That stuff’ll rot your insides, boy
and he thinks:
That’s some good voodoo
Licking peppermint fingers
With tongue painted
The pure blue of poison frogs
He knows, as
Crushed magic stirs drool
Like medicine men before him
Like wild men before him
That the secret
Is...
There are no secrets.
Only pleasure.
The cola hisses.
He swallows til
It hits the spot;
Blood oozing clean sap
So slow he’d never die
So sweet they glaze
His very bones
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?