06-27-2010, 11:00 AM
Wow, great edit LB! 
The only thing I'd contract is a few lines in the third stanza:
"constant ongoing battle
between the thoughts
overpowering my brain (or if you want, "that overpower me")
and what I try to avoid"
It's really much improved LB. The others might have more constructive criticism but for me I liked how it turned out
The only thing I'd contract is a few lines in the third stanza:
"constant ongoing battle
between the thoughts
overpowering my brain (or if you want, "that overpower me")
and what I try to avoid"
It's really much improved LB. The others might have more constructive criticism but for me I liked how it turned out
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?