Who Is She

[billy]

I think it really flows better with the edits (though it could be just me ). Like some of the changes (replacing "wicked" with "wayward" in the first stanza, for instance) and only has very minor typos ("make her squirms" in the last stanza)

The internal rhythm is pretty good, but can still be polished to perfection. A good way to do this is to recite the poem to yourself. If it feels natural, then it's good to go

Yeah it does flow better, a litle to well in fact.
When a person is consumed mind and soul by the emotion one has for another and there is deep intense good and bad in the scene then there is a bit of FLUSTERING going on and I thought was emotion was subtly apparent in the first draft.

But then again I dont write poems

you don't have to write poetry to like, hate, or comment on it :p
thanks for the feedback scrufuss. when i do a full edit i'll take all the feedback given into account.

and it's not the writing of a poem that makes a poet.
try one, i'm sure you'll do okay. put it in the no comment or mild crit forum to get started.

anyway thanks.