06-09-2010, 06:42 AM
I liked your poem and the topic. I can relate to this (hence, I am going through a rough time in life also) However, to me it was too telly. I believe, This could have been way better. Such as adding similes, or even a metaphor. There wasn't much imagery, expect for walking out your house(which you could have elaborate more)
example:
walking out the door
fear in the eyes
ready to face the world
^^ not the best- yet, just an example.
To me, this poem has much potential and I would like to see you add more verses and fix this up. it's too good! just needs some work..
example:
walking out the door
fear in the eyes
ready to face the world
^^ not the best- yet, just an example.
To me, this poem has much potential and I would like to see you add more verses and fix this up. it's too good! just needs some work..