Love, After

Love, After

matsunosuperfan Offline

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Posts: 262
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Joined: May 2026

#16

1 hour ago

My biggest issue with the edit is that the climax now hinges on the most awkward sentence: "Ten years now of you offering up the passenger seat" is pretty clunky, no? It's very chewy and notably less smooth than the preceding verse. It's just not a very enjoyable poetic line to read aloud. Feels prosaic and workmanly. Which the rest of the poem is not.

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Messages In This Thread

Love, After - by wasellajam - 10-13-2026, 06:32 PM

RE: Love, After - by Luckieman - 10-13-2026, 11:14 PM

RE: Love, After - by wasellajam - 10-14-2026, 05:34 AM

RE: Love, After - by matsunosuperfan - 10-14-2026, 01:52 AM

RE: Love, After - by busker - 10-14-2026, 01:52 AM

RE: Love, After - by Bunx - 10-14-2026, 02:47 AM

RE: Love, After - by Luckieman - 10-14-2026, 09:29 AM

RE: Love, After - by wasellajam - 10-14-2026, 10:47 AM

RE: Love, After - by matsunosuperfan - 10-15-2026, 01:30 AM

RE: Love, After - by wasellajam - 10-15-2026, 09:28 PM