1 hour ago
This is borderline unreadable. The second sentence is an achievement in incomprehensibility. It really feels like the reader is an afterthought here and the speaker is just enjoying the sound of their own voice.
To be fair, I confess that is probably my reaction to these recent projects in general. I just don't get what you are going for. I have no reference point for the thing you are trying to do. Do you have any models? Where do you imagine these poems living? Who is reading them?
The first sentence feels like a cryptic crossword clue. You're being too coy with sensibility and pairing it with the purplest of prose. This is a bad combination and just poor technique. You can't be vague as heck and then smack us in the face with all these dense ass sentences. It's never going to work.
Even in something like Ashbery, we know we are in Popeye's kitchen and there's a dispute about the baby. I cannot even tell you what is happening at any point in this poem, or why I am meant to care.
Then we say a bunch of dramatic, universal sounding stuff all of a sudden. Beware this and that. It's a poem that badly needs to step outside itself and ask "what are we doing here?"
To be fair, I confess that is probably my reaction to these recent projects in general. I just don't get what you are going for. I have no reference point for the thing you are trying to do. Do you have any models? Where do you imagine these poems living? Who is reading them?
The first sentence feels like a cryptic crossword clue. You're being too coy with sensibility and pairing it with the purplest of prose. This is a bad combination and just poor technique. You can't be vague as heck and then smack us in the face with all these dense ass sentences. It's never going to work.
Even in something like Ashbery, we know we are in Popeye's kitchen and there's a dispute about the baby. I cannot even tell you what is happening at any point in this poem, or why I am meant to care.
Then we say a bunch of dramatic, universal sounding stuff all of a sudden. Beware this and that. It's a poem that badly needs to step outside itself and ask "what are we doing here?"