Air of Water

[Deor Ana Log]

There are some strange word choices here - annum, sky-tied, moonshine, etc and the punctuation makes it harder to follow.

If you’re translating from the original, then it reads almost like a word for word.

I wouldn’t suggest that you rewrite it entirely, but it has to work in the English idiom

Could you please clarify your feedback here, as translations are meant to translate. Do you speak Chinese and can understand the original poem? Also what does 'english idiom' mean. Thanks for the help - Deor Ana Log