Do you?
#9
This is vastly more impressive than your 'All the same'. The idea is clearer and less egocentric and the structure is much tighter. I agree with matsunosuperfan that some judicious re-arrangement of phaseology might improve it, but that's more a matter of impact, not of concept. I think the lesson to be obtained from comparison of these two poems of yours is the 'less is more'. It's much more emphatic to allow imagery to to set a scene than to describe it.
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Messages In This Thread
Do you? - by sad_bunny - 04-26-2026, 01:59 AM
RE: Do you? - by Stan - 04-26-2026, 10:00 PM
RE: Do you? - by sad_bunny - 04-30-2026, 02:43 AM
RE: Do you? - by wasellajam - 04-27-2026, 08:35 PM
RE: Do you? - by JohnS - 04-29-2026, 06:56 PM
RE: Do you? - by aaminarrh - 04-30-2026, 01:42 PM
RE: Do you? - by N.A. - 06-18-2026, 10:26 AM
RE: Do you? - by matsunosuperfan - 06-19-2026, 03:18 PM
RE: Do you? - by Luckieman - 09-21-2026, 07:23 PM



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